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This is the story of one individual...a man...no...still a child.

Born on the 12th Jan 1985, this individual realised, on the 25th Nov 2003, that he was suicidal. He couldn't work out what was wrong with his life, and what was missing. Then, after watching a television program involving people just like he was, he realised what it was...hope.

Now, to try and combat the effects of his self loathing and unwanted existence, he started this blog/journal/diary, thanks to www.blogdrive.com, to write down all his feelings and moods, and to try and share his expriences with others...

To try and see if anyone cares...

Contact Me

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Dec 18, 2003
It's con time

Current mood: :)
Currently Listening To: Americana...The Offspring

The date of the AL:UK con is upon us...Friday, I shall be travelling up to Birmingham to meet my friends once more...

Every four months (three times a year), we hold a convention for AL:UK


In which we get to just handg out, watch anime or shop...This is like one of the highlights of my year, when a con comes along, as it means that even for just one weekend, I get to escape the realities of the world...where I can drown my sorrows at the botto9m of an alcoholic drink, and not forgetting...making fun of the members who are absent *cheerful satisfied sigh*

But this con is different as at this con, I'm going to meet irl two people I know from a diferent forum...Devilschild and Moomba *waves*

I know them from AY


And so it will be nice to see them in person...I won't be posting this weekend, just so you know :)

Posted at 06:47 am by RaimethSept
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Dec 4, 2003
And it all begins again in one vicious cycle

Current Mood: FUCK OFF!!
Currently Listening to: Evanescence- My Suicide (not a good idea)...balanced with Outkast- Hey Ya

I had a wonderful time yesterday...me and a group of friends managed to spend the whole day playing Need for Speed Underground, drag racing each other and using the NOS...

I haven't seen Nakadai since my last encounter in which I left my controller at his house, but I managed to get a wavebird instead, so now I can't nock my console over as I have no cables to pull.

I was having fun all day until it was time to go home again. This depressed me as I'd have to be alone once more. It was dark and cold by the time I got home, and the air was moist. I hate weather like this as my core body temperature is lower than most people's so I get sick more easily.

I walked the dog in the freezing cold and then went on the computer and spoke to friends over msn, as well as talk to some particular lovely ladies, if you know what I mean ;)

Then I went to bed, curled up with the laptop computer, watching Shanghai Knights, then looked over to my side. My lighter was on my bedside table...I couldn't help myself...I now have yet another scar to add...Another cross to bare...Another bain to my existence...

Posted at 01:45 am by RaimethSept
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Nov 29, 2003
Now I'm pissed off!

I know I said I'd try and post every day, but I was round a friend's house (Nakadai Shimada) as he is not very well...anyway...last night I had work...

That pissed me off already, and I was working in the bar section, which, in a cinema devoted to kids and family films mostly, doesn't get a lot of business...True..I only had a five hour shift, but it was the longest five hours of my life...

To try and liven up, I bought Need for Speed Underground for the gamecube, as I love street racing and this is the first game about street racing (apart from Midnight Club which came out for every console except the Cube)...I got it home afte wor, forfitted sleep to play it...then I looked for my controller...

I couldn't find it anywhere, then realisation hit me...I'd left it at Nakadai's...DAMN IT!!! So I'm going in to work today...and to watch SWAT...and hopefully buy a new controller too...so I'll have two..WOOHOO!!

Wish me luck in the "Cheap controller hunt"

Posted at 04:38 am by RaimethSept
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Nov 27, 2003
Suicidal Tendencies

Current Mood: Lost
Currently listening to: Evanescence...

This is my first entry into my journal to try and counteract my suicidal tendencies. I will try to keep this up every day for as long as possible. If some days are missing, or I stop frequenting here for a while, please do not worry...I'm either on holiday, or my net access is denied...

For the past three years, since I left secondary school and started college, I have known that there was something wrong with me...Something wrong in my life...I am Suicidal.

Stage one: Admittance

I have finally decided to reveal to my closest friends (the ones who get the url to this blog), the secrets of my true self. Whilst hiding under a facade of happy go-luckiness and of nonchalance, I am, in reality, torn up inside. I constanly look for ways that I can...you know...do it. A rope here...harbour there. But I know all these methods are ineffective, every way of dying without having a disease that puts you into a coma, is a bad way to go out. It is extremely painful, and could damage a suicidal furthermore if they survive.

Stage two: Realisation

I've realised that taking the 'coward's way out' as so many people put it, wouldn't be the right way to go...I would harm myself as well as cause pain to those closest around me, something I do not wish to do...that in it's own right would make me want to kill myself, but I'd already be dead...and it would be my death that had caused the pain.

Now...don't worry, this isn't one of those sites dedicated to my death...you know the ones...'When this site is published it means I'll be dead'...This is a site for me to write down all the anger I bottle up inside, and to gently tap out my 'resources of rage'...

All I wish for is your understanding of why I'm doing this...why I do the things I've done, and why I do things in the future...I don't want pity or sympathy...just understanding...

Posted at 01:58 am by RaimethSept
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